Wow, just like any other Tuesday night I sit here completely in my feels. The Bachelorette consistently takes my heart and throws it left, right, up down, and sideways, causing me to nervously quiver and cringe for the entirety of the two hour episode. And quite frankly, tonight very well may have been the best episode of the season, so lets get into it.
We start with the 1on1 date with Clare and Ivan, and I gotta say, Ivan got pretty dogged when it comes to fun activities. This season we’ve seen massages, horseback rides, bonfires, but unfortunately for Ivan, he had to settle for room service and childhood games. Despite the underwhelming set up, Ivan earned an infinite amount of respect from me through his performance in the pillow fight. Upon being challenged by Tayshia, Ivan proceeded to not just fight back, but lay an absolute smackdown on Tayshia. Typically guys will take a few shots in this situation, but not Ivan. This alpha took one shot and said “not today, motherfucker,” and proceeded to aggressively whack the shit out of Tayshia, establishing himself as the early dom in the relationship.
After Ivan earned his rose, we transitioned to the group date, in which Tayshia proceeded to once again stick her tongue in an obscene amount of mouthes. I honestly think she just gets bored of talking to some of these duds and decides to french them just to avoid further conversation. Nonetheless, Zac got the rose despite douche Bennet having irrational confidence in his performance on the date.
Then we flash back to the guys back home, and find that Ed and Ben were both vying for a late night convo/potential makeout sesh with Tayshia, except their paths took them on very different routes. Ben made it to Tayshia’s room, established himself as a potential mating option, earned himself a little tongue action (and later a rose), and dumb Ed went to the wrong room. SILVER LINING: Ed’s stupidity lead him to Chris Harrisons room, where he got to enjoy a late night glass of wine with the host. Soooo, who really came out on top here. You could smooch an above average looking chick and go home with blue balls, or you could have wine with a cultural icon in what surely will be a conversation you share with your grandkids. Gimme the Harrison drink all day.
Finally, we get to our Noah drama of the night, in which he ratted on the rest of the fellas to Tayshia. He told Tayshia that the rest of the guys were questioning her integrity, and this really sent her for a loop, causing her to lash out at the guys, and the guys to lash out at Noah. Now, as someone who’s name is Noah, this really brought on some anxiety. Hearing ex-NFL players and other giant men scream my name, really got the heart racing, I felt like they were yelling at me and even think I apologized out loud to my TV.
Finally, we got to the rose ceremony which was pretty chalk, but included some surprises like Chasen getting sent home. Personally, I thought the guy was a real douche and was thrilled to see him get sent packing. I had enough of his duck lips and giant quads anyways (no homo). Now, the real kicker of the episode was when Dr. Joe got sent home. The guy just never got his shot out there. He was kind, charming, funny, lighthearted, and … asian! C’mon when do you see that on this show??? The fact that this guy didn’t even get a shot is a complete atrocity, and I’m even campaigning for him to be the next Bachelor. An injustice such as this cannot occur without consequences.