Lets preface this by noting that I’m 100% on the Tank for Trevor bandwagon in Dallas. I’m fully on board with us going 2-14, drafting Trevor Lawrence, and crossing our fingers that he takes us the promise land. With that in mind, my ideal QBs for the rest of this season are either myself, Hellen Keller, or Jerry Jones himself. BUT, there are some fans who still think this season is salvageable, so if we’re gonna give winning the NFC Beast a go, we’ll have to do better than Ben DiNucci. With that being said, here’s my three ideal candidates to lead Dallas to the postseason in 2020.
Candidate 1: Cole McDonald
Anyone who chased bets on the island last year is familiar with Killer Cole. The kid was absolutely electric, and a spread-covering machine for the matter, and he’d fit in perfectly in Dallas. If you think about it, the 2020 Dallas Cowboys are basically a standard Hawaii football team. No defense, potential for an explosive offense, with the only difference being that instead of playing on a universally beloved team, everybody hates you, but that shouldn’t be a problem, right? This guy couldn’t be much worse than Dalton, he’d make plays with his legs when the shitty O-Line breaks down, and at least he’d be a familiar face to the resident Dallas gamblers.
Candidate 2: Ryan Fitzmagic
Now is a perfect opportunity for the Dallas Cowboys to step up and be the shoulder for Fitzpatrick to cry on. His heart is broken after being benched for Tua, and I know a place where he can come to have some success. I strangely think this team would actually win the division if they had Fitzy. He’d scramble around in the pocket, give this demoralized team hope, and would feel comfortable when the defense puts us in a 17-point deficit in the first quarter. Fitz would have the best group of weapons in his career, and we might finally get a chance to see Fitzpatrick in the postseason. Could he be the next Nick Foles???? If you want a chance at the playoffs, Jerry, give Miami a call.
Candidate 3: Jameis Winston
That’s right. I wanna see old squintin’ Jameis in Big D. We’re talking about a man who newly benefitted from LASIK surgery, has been sitting behind a legend all season, and is absolutely ITCHING, to get back onto the gridiron. Do you understand how comfortable Jameis Winston would be playing with this group of imbeciles on defense? Jameis is used to bad defenses because he throws pick-sixes all the time! If we wanna keep the defense on the sidelines, you throw Jameis out there becuase the opposing defense will do the scoring for you. Then, once Jameis has dug himself a 10-point hole at minimum, he enters his comfort zone. Dallas has plenty of crab-legs to steal, plenty of Uber drivers to grope, and will have plenty of W’s to eat if we trade for Jameis Winston.