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There’s a Sidewalk Flamethrower and I Want One Now

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Did you know you don’t have to shovel or scrape the ice off your sidewalk anymore and that you can just burn it away? Thanks to the power of propane (Hank Hill would be proud), you can melt your winter woes away.

Anyone over 40 (or comic book collectors) remember those off-the-wall ads in comics, with everything available ranging from X-Ray spectacles to sets for turning your TV into a hypnosis machine. One item that somehow escaped my attention was the following tool for all your flame-filled fun.

While I pride myself on having read a large number of comic books and scouring the ads, I never saw this ad until someone posted it on a comic book nostalgia page on Facebook

. This product was from the 70s, a time when the CIA could still test mind-blowing doses of LSD on an unsuspecting public, men were men, and foot X-ray machines at shoe stores were still to be found (don’t ask).

Being an inquisitive person, I had to see if there were any vintage models on eBay. Much to my delight, I found out that I can get a similar device on Amazon. Why buy a Nixon administration era antique when you can get a brand new model? Check out this baby from Amazon.

Color me surprised that in today’s Hover Parent age where you can’t read a Dr. Seuss book without someone’s head exploding that you can buy a mini-flamethrower for your homecare needs. I’m all in on the idea, but this serves as a reminder that no matter how much Big Brother is looking over your shoulder, something slips through they system into the market.

This reminds me of my stint in Con College (check out my book Laughing All the Way to the Bank (Robbery): How an Attorney Survived Prison for more laughs) when a fellow inmate told me of the wonders of stuffing dominos into a sock and walloping someone in need of a beatdown. The mind will always find a way to use something for a purpose it wasn’t intended for. Something tells me people will be using this for everything from deicing their car to lighting cigarettes.

Whatever you decide to use this doohickey for, get your hands on it before someone like Governor Grabass (aka Andrew Cuomo who rumor has it had his hands where they don’t belong) bans it.

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.

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