Everyone take a deeeeeeep breath for me. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Namaste.
Twitter is ablaze with hot takes on this harmless photo. Everyone saying he’s leaving, he’s going to Nashville, he’s retiring. Give it a break already. I’ll give you three perfectly logical explanations for this cryptic photo he decided to post today, January 30th in the 2020th year of our Lord, during his highly anticipated free agency frenzy.
Reason #1. Tom looks hot as hell in this photo. The sex appeal is oozing out of my keyboard as I
nervously try to calm myself down type this blog. Black and white. Artsy as fuck. He’s wearing some type of jacket that probably costs more than my 2015 Ford Focus. Only a rock star could pull this scene off and Tom does so flawlessly.
Reason #2. That’s Gillette Stadium folks, and Tom is marching straight out onto the field as he has hundreds of times before, ready for battle. This isn’t some grand undertone about him “leaving” or anything ridiculous like that. Gillette is home. He’s simply reminding us that.
Reason #3. The Red Sox are about to trade Mookie Betts because John Henry (net worth @2.7 billion United States dollars) simply can’t afford to sign the former MVP to a $400 million contact spread over the next decade plus. Do you really think Tom wants to be overshadowed by the news of a generational right fielder being traded? To get cucked by Jeff Passan breaking the news that Moookie was traded to the Dodgers for a prospect, a large number 1 from In-N-Out, and a game worn Josh Beckett jersey? No shot he risks having his 15 minutes of fame ruined like that.
So again, everyone, take a deep breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Namaste. Have some avocado ice cream and put on your TB12 jammies. Tom isn’t going anywhere.
Unless of course the news of Tom and Super G looking at houses and schools in Nashville where he could play for his best friend Mike Vrabel with a good recieving corps and Delanie Walker at tight end and a good O-line and that moose Derrick Henry behind him with old pals Logan Ryan, Malcom Butler, and Dion Lewis running wild then of course that would be a huge egg on my face but my heart simply can’t fathom him leaving like this so God Bless and happy Thursday lets forget any of this happened.
Follow me on Twitter @T_Ry25_
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