NFL

The Cowboys are gonna blowout every team in the NFC East

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Look, I’m not gonna overreact to this game. I’m not gonna sit here and talk about the Cowboys being a top team in the NFC, or legit Super Bowl contender’s after beating up on this shit Eagles team (we did compete with the reigning champs pretty hard tho). But, what I will declare, is that the Dallas Cowboys are going to SODOMIZE the rest of the rest of this division.

Going into the season, the entire talk about the NFC East was about how shitty it is, how you’ll only need 9 wins to take the division, how all four teams are garbage, blah, blah, blah. No. 3/4 teams are garbage. The Cowboys are an above-average, top 10 team in this league. By no means is that some sort of hot take, it’s just plain obvious. If the Cowboys don’t have this division locked up by the time there are 5 games to go in the season I will personally let Dan Snyder come to my house and defecate in my mouth.

As a Cowboys fan, I’m not even that hyped after this win. Don’t get me wrong, we played awesome, but I saw this coming a mile away. THE EAGLES ARE TERRIBLE!! The fact that the spread was 3 is a joke, the fact that we weren’t -400 favorites to win this beginning in the beginning of the season is a joke, the fact that anyone thought that teams lead by Daniel Jones, Jalen Hurts, and Ryan Fitzpatrick/Taylor Heineke had a chance to win this division IS A JOKE! I’m not saying this Cowboys team is the next coming of the 2007 Patriots by any stretch, but them being in this division is like sticking me in a 40-yard dash against Lizzo and Steven Hawking, rest his soul.

But hey, it’s still only week 3, so I could have to eat my words heavily by the end of this season, and as per my earlier promise, Dan Snyder’s feces as well. Fortunately, there’s no chance that happens. Not just because Dan Snyder probably uses his shit on prostitutes who are far more attractive than me, but because nobody in this division has any chance at winning. We’re gonna go 6-0 in this division with ease. That’s all, love you, go Cowboys.

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Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.

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