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Should Mitch McConnell Be Flogged?

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Now that Mitch McConnell has voted no to giving Americans a $2000 stimulus check instead of a skimpy $600 one, I have to ask, should Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell be flogged?

Let’s look at the current senatorial shitshow and how Mitch “The Bitch” is saying no to a two grand payday. According to CBS News:

Washington — Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Wednesday again rebuffed a push for the Senate to take up a bill increasing coronavirus relief checks to Americans from $600 to $2,000, saying instead that the increased direct payments would remain linked with nixing a legal shield for internet companies and creating a commission to examine election integrity.

El Cheapo’s fellow Republican senator Lindsay Graham doesn’t appear happy with Mitch’s miserly ways. Politico reports:

In a Thursday morning interview on “Fox & Friends,” Graham assessed that “if you had a stand-alone vote on the $2,000 check, it might pass” the Senate. And although “70 percent of Republicans don’t want to go to 2,000 [dollars],” he said, “I’m with the president on this.”

The question is whether Mitch needs some old-fashioned motivation. Mitch looks like he’s been around since at least the 19th century so I’m certain he’s familiar with the practice of flogging. Regrettably, this dying tradition may be needed to remind Congress who they work for. After all, it was a tradition of the British Navy, so much so that Winston Churchill incorporated it into a famous saying. According to The Guardian:

Churchill is said to have used the phrase in 1913, when he was First Lord of the Admiralty. According to ‘an ear-witness’, he was having trouble with some of his admirals at a strategy meeting. One of them accused him of having impugned the traditions of the Royal Navy, provoking the reply: ‘And what are they? They are rum, sodomy and the lash’.

Churchill may or may not have said this (I’ll leave that question to linguistic professionals) but it’s too good of a quote not to mention. Not only does it speak to Churchill’s wit, but it’s a reminder of disciplinary traditions throughout the ages.

Congress Gone Wild!

It may seem incredible, but there is a tradition of violence in Congress, including flogging. No, I’m not talking about the terrible violence directed at Congress by outsiders, but violence by Congress members against each other. As history buffs know, the gold medal in Congressional clashes is the time Southern Congressman Preston Brooks beat Northern Congressman Charles Sumner within an inch of his life with a cane.

A public flogging for Mitch McConnell?

I understand Mitch “The Bitch”‘s tightfisted philosophy. I remember back in 2010 when I was awaiting trial for my bank robbery case when the Kentucky Tightwad argued against extending federal unemployment benefits and said (and I’m paraphrasing this) “people have to go back to work sometime.” Ever since, I’ve had little use for McConnell other than a doorstop or to be cast as Pruneface in any future Dick Tracy films.

Iconic Dick Tracy villain Pruneface or Mitch McConnell?

I understand that senators are lamenting about the U.S. debt, but at what point do we say, “you know what, we pissed away trillions in W’s stupid Middle Eastern crusades (not to mention countless lives) so why not help out the people here?” Yes, the U.S. debt is a disaster but is one more payment going to send us over the brink?

This is not the type of flogging I have in mind for McCheapo

I can’t recommend that Mitch McConnell be flogged or even suggest that Lindsay Graham cane him (my money would be on Graham), but I am asking (rhetorically) whether he should be flogged due to his miserly ways and refusal to help out the little guy.

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.

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