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Ryan Kaji, Age 9, Made More Money Than Mike Trout & Bryce Harper Combined This Year

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According to Yahoo, via Forbes “On the year stretching from June 1, 2019 to June 1, 2020, Kaji is estimated to have brought in $29.5 million”

Okay, so my title is slightly disingenuous for two reasons. Reason number one being that it was a shortened season and all players contracts were prorated, and reason number two being that I wrote the headline of this article without deep diving into the Yahoo article which clearly states above that the pay period stretched from 2019. Regardless, this kid is an absolute juggernaut of earning potential, and I haven’t seen parents pimp their kids out for money this hard since the early Kim K days (shout out the queen of this shit Kris Jenner).

If you don’t know who Ryan Kaji is, maybe you should learn. This little dumpling (pun intended) of wealth is one of YouTube’s biggest stars. He sits there on camera (and has for years on end) and just opens presents in front of the camera. I am not one for critiquing young kids, but if you are making more money than Trout, I feel like it is fair to analyze your swing per se. If you watch one of his videos you will see that this is clearly a conspiracy run by the Vietnamese (his mother is from Vietnam) to exact revenge, because this young boy has the charisma of a stale donut. Fair or unfair, I don’t get the appeal of this kid, but I am definitely in the minority according to his mukbang sized bank account.

I truly can’t put words behind this enough, these are god awful parents, but these words have been written ad nauseam probably countless times before so I am not going to sit here and take on people who probably have the weight of the Vietnamese military behind them, and as an American, well we all know how that plays out.

Let us just go a little bit into what $30 million dollars for a 9 year-old means. He made enough money this year to retire yesterday, and still have enough money for generations because compound interest is a son of a bitch. The reality that he would scoff at a chance to fight Conor McGregor not only because he would be spinning heal kicked into the 7th row, but mostly because the purse would be too small for him to entertain is HILARIOUS. I just think of this kid sitting on his gold-plated racecar bed, sipping on the finest Martinelli’s apple juice that money could buy out of a Big Bird diamond encrusted chalice absolutely cackling at the 50 million dollar check that Jake Paul presented Conor as his chump change. Imagine this kid finding out that we are all getting $600 hundred dollar checks for survival from our government? He would lose his shit (and not because he probably doesn’t fully have control over his bowels since again, he is 9).

Kudos to you Ryan, you little shit, because as the OnlyFans hoes know, if the money is there for you, you take it. God Bless America – Tony.

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