MIKE MCCARTHY TRIED TO KILL THE COWBOYS BUT THEY WILL NOT DIE

LETTTTSSSS GOOOOOOOOOO. COWBOYS 20 CHARGERS 17. HOW DID WE WIN THAT GAME??????? That was one of the most undeserved, pulled out of the ass football wins I’ve ever witnessed, but I don’t care. The standings sheet doesn’t care if the refs handed you a bunch of calls, or if your coach tried to submarine you, doesn’t matter. We’re tied for first in the NFC east and WE ARE NOT TURNING BACK.

Let’s start with the negatives. Or THE negative. Fat boy. Mike McCarthy. He really screwed the pooch out there today, didn’t he? The guy’s just such a freaking dummy in every situation. We’ve got the ball with two minutes left on our own 30 with two timeouts left and he just wouldn’t stop running the ball! I’ve never seen anything like that before, man. That is literally the worst possible situation in a football game to run the ball, and this porker did it like 7 times! Was he just going for the longest field goal possible? Maybe he’s just a showman and wanted a dramatic ending. That’s actually more explainable than calling as many run plays as he did in that situation.

I actually think Jerry Jones told him to get Zeke more involved after last week, and this bozo took it so literally that he applied it to the least run-friendly situation you could have. Jerry just has his hand shoved so far up the unshaven ass of McCarthy that this puppet can’t even make his own decisions when there’s literally no thinking required. He also looked like he wanted to take the timeouts back to whatever In-N-Out burger he’s gonna stuff his fat face at after the game, but I just can’t get mad at his timeout usage anymore. It’s just expected at this point.

And look, I’m a man of integrity I’ll admit that we got some pretty favorable calls in this one. But like c’mon, we’re Americas team, help us out a little. It’s the leagues biggest fanbase vs the leagues smallest, so maybe if the Chargers wanted more calls they should try being more popular. It’s not our fault nobody likes you. With a fanbase that shitty, you deserve to get screwed by the refs … right guys?

But you know what, that was a gritty win against a tough team on the road early in the season. You take those however they come, and there was actually a lot to be optimistic about there. We ran the ball like crazy, Zeke looked great, and Tony Pollard is a complete animal. Dak’s still throwing the ball well, the defense can actually force a turnover this year, and Greg The Leg rules. Seriously, that guy has some of the biggest testicles I’ve ever seen grace a football field, besides Frank Gore’s of course. Zuerline singlehandedly lost us the game last week and then comes back this week and drills a 56 yarder to win the game. Mike McCarthy should honestly write Greg into his will after he bailed him out like that today.

The Cowboys now sit atop the NFC East, and I don’t see us moving off that spot. None of the trashbag teams in this division have a shot against us, and I look forward to everybody realizing that in the coming weeks. We’re gonna shit in their mouths. Go Cowboys.

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