If you don’t know LaMelo Ball and the hype behind him leading up to his NBA debut, you are either massively poor (shout out BBB) or one of the (probably) racist hockey loving losers who think a bunch of toothless Russian & Canadian men on roller blades deserve clout for a sport that didn’t allow racial integration until 2007 when PK Subban was drafted (sup, Lindsey). I refuse to fact check that, because I am clearly right. There is less diversity in a hockey telecast than a member’s dinner at Augusta National.
I digress though, back to the man of the hour, LaMelo Ball, the King of Lithuania. That kid is more famous in Lithuania than sliced bread, because albeit, I am not sure they have the access to bread there. I actually don’t know much about Lithuania besides I would assume they are very impoverished, because as an American we just assume anywhere outside of the amber waves of grain are decrepit atrocities of human(oid) occupation. Seriously though, I am sure Lithuania is fine, I take it all back (for legal reasons). Where was I? Ah yes, LaMelo Ball, the prince that was promised from that glory that is his coffee stained fanged demon father, Lavar. See below:
Now, I have to let you in a little secret here. I am a big New York Knicks fan, and I desperately wanted the Knicks to get a better lottery pick and bring LaMelo into the circus that is the Garden. So am I bitter? Fuck yes. Like Mitchell McConnell when he sees a person of color vote down his bill on the floors of Congress (Mitch, huge hockey guy). However, you can just objectively look at LaMelo leading up to this point and see that he has incredible court vision, but he can’t score so far in the NBA. Was my title clickbait? Yes, yes it was. It is obviously one game into the season, so the book is still out on him. However, for him to trot out in his first game ever and go 0-5 for ZERO points in 15 minutes on the floor is god damn atrocious. If he were in NYC people would have rioted already. No chance MJ is not sitting up in his box sick to his stomach.
Meanwhile, over in NY we had Obi Toppin absolutely taking the league by storm on his 3 of 12 shooting for 9 points, and RJ Barrett turning into an MVP candidate in front of our very eyes. It must be very hard for Charlotte to look up north and not wish they weren’t stacked like the Knicks.
Editor’s Note: The writer of this article is very aware that the Knicks lost to the Pacers tonight, but he stands by his takes. As he stated, “A Phoenix is always born from the ashes before he soars through the air”.
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