NBA

Kyrie Irving is gonna go to jail

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There’s been an unfortunate new development in the Kyrie Irving vaccine saga, and it’s looking like this one is gonna put the guy in jail. Shams just reported that in Toronto, unvaccinated NBA players can face criminal charges for breaking quarantine protocols. Basically, if you step out of your hotel room for anything not team related, you’re going to the clink.

It’s gonna be so depressing to see my hero getting handcuffed and slammed in the back of some Canadian cop car because he took a step outside to see if it was sweatshirt weather or not. And please don’t forget, Kyrie (Kaire) is a member of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. Those people need to be one with nature. How is he gonna examine the effect of river currents on rocks, or study how the stars and sun are aligned if he can’t legally leave his hotel room? Seems a bit oppressive, no?

Please let it be known, however, that if needed, I will literally walk to Toronto to break Kyrie Irving out of prison. If I need to get myself convicted of a crime, go to jail, and get sexually assaulted by a gang of convicts just so Kyrie can go for 32-8-4 and beat the Raptors by 35 I will. I will do anything this man wants me to. Anything.

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Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.
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