Joe Biden to Speak at Cunningham Hardware

Now that Joe Biden has found his way to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for the 2020 Democratic Presidential Convention, “Creepy” Joe isn’t wasting any time looking to capture the middle-class vote.

My sources in Milwaukee tell me “Forgetful” Joe was told that the middle-class vote is essential to defeating current President Donald Trump. It’s also likely he was also repeatedly reminded of the list of women he should stay 100 feet away from but that’s an article for another time. Knowing this, Joe has decided to speak at a place that represents the American Dream; Cunningham Hardware.

Fans of the 1970s hit TV series Happy Days know that Cunningham patriarch Howard Cunningham owned and operated Cunningham Hardware, a middle-class success story that helped him provide for his family during the Eisenhower Administration and beyond. As such, “Forgetful” Joe may think it represents the American Dream-at least in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the location of the 2020 Democratic National Convention.

“Creepy” Joe’s idea to speak at Cunningham Hardware may have something to do with his respect for Howard Cunningham’s frisky nature. Unlike “Handsy” Joe, Howard Cunningham was never accused of inappropriate contact with women, instead maintaining a committed relationship with his loving wife Marion.

Did Joe Biden ask “The Bronze Fonz” for directions to Cunningham Hardware?

My sources in the Brew City report that despite Cunningham Hardware being a fictional location, “Sleepy” Joe was last seen talking to the statue of Happy Days’ character Arthur Fonzarelli (aka “The Fonz”). The statue known as “The Bronze Fonz” is located at the Milwaukee Riverwalk. No truth to the rumor that the DNC may replace Joe Biden on the ticket with the Bronze Fonz although a recent poll indicates 99.5% of Americans polled feel a bronze statute has more personality and intelligence than Joe Biden.

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