I Had A Dream That A Former Boston Baseball Pitcher’s Sex Tape Fell Into My Lap

Melatonin is a hell of a drug. I work pretty long days. Mostly my work day consists of teaching gym from 8-2:30 then going to coach hockey or lacrosse for 3-4 hours afterwards (those poor kids, I know). You’d think that would be enough to get me sound asleep by 10 pm every night but that’s not always the case so sometimes I dabble in the melatonin bottle to help me out.

Tough thing about that is, I usually have ridiculous dreams. Well, last night in my dream I found a sex tape of a former Boston baseball pitcher who once threw a no hitter and had a career full of Cy Young caliber seasons, and season where it looked like he didn’t know how to put his glove on properly. I’ll leave you to figure out who that was.

So, in my dream, I blog the sex tape and the blog got 3 million clicks. Not a bad day! The pitcher put on an absolute performance too. Dressed in full gear, he was offering up Johnny Sins-esc stuff. His secondary moves were full of depth and his off speed movement was perfectly timed. Honestly just a great performance, wish you could’ve seen it.

So fuck it, let’s get this blog the 3 million views it deserves. Do it for me. Do it for the pitcher/pornstar that wore number 11. Do it because this is probably the most entertaining thing related to baseball that will happen in Boston this year.

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