NHLPhiladelphia Flyers

Gritty is Being Investigated for Punching a 13-Year Old

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A typical day in the life of Gritty is waking up, downing a bottle of Pink Whitney, snorting a line of coke, and beating up small kids.

This is what you would expect and want to see when you sign up and wait “hours in line” to meet a muppet-on-steroid mascot like Gritty.

Apparently this guy and his son never got that memo.

The dad claim is that Gritty “took a running start,” and “punched my son as hard as he could”. Do I believe this? No. No witness could confirm this, and I think you would notice if a giant orange blob ran down a hallway to punch a little kid.

Do I want to believe this? Of course I do. Gritty is a legend and this would only add to his fandom.

They boo Santa Claus in Philly, don’t you think they would love their dirt-bag mascot Gritty even more if he beat up a kid? You bet your ass they would love it. They would throw the guy a parade.

Anyway, the Flyers have offered the boy and his father some generous game day experience packages, which they have declined, making this an obvious money grab.

I’m sure there are hundreds of Flyer fans that would love to get socked in the face by Gritty.

Keep your head up kid.

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