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Forget the Pre-Nup. Get Yourself a DNR (Do Not Remarry)

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Forget a pre-nuptial agreement. If you’re thinking of remarrying, but want to avoid the financial hardship of another costly divorce, there’s something even better. A new legal document is sweeping America known as the DNR. No, I’m not talking about the traditional legal document which stands for “Do-not-resuscitate,” but a “Do-not-remarry,” a legal document which prevents you from being remarried.

In case you’ve never heard of the traditional DNR, the good folks at Medline Plus have a brief summary:

A do-not-resuscitate order, or DNR order, is a medical order written by a doctor. It instructs health care providers not to do cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if a patient’s breathing stops or if the patient’s heart stops beating.

Ideally, a DNR order is created, or set up, before an emergency occurs. A DNR order allows you to choose whether or not you want CPR in an emergency. It is specific about CPR. It does not have instructions for other treatments, such as pain medicine, other medicines, or nutrition.

While a traditional DNR prevents artificial life-saving when say, your heart stops, the new DNR (do-not-remarry) is a life-saving device. It will save your life from unwanted grief and financial hardship by preventing you from jumping into another bad marriage. How many of us know a poor sap who just can’t say no to the idea of giving marital life one more try despite several rocky marriages that eventually led to a painful divorce. Whether you’re Joe Six-Pack or four-time loser “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, divorce can be costly and yet people rush back into it time after time.

We’ve often heard the saying that you can’t stop someone from changing unless they want to. However, the do-not-remarry legal document proves this adage wrong as once a person signs it, they can’t be remarried. Even better, whoever has a DNR has a discreet barcode on their hand that can be scanned by any minister or judge with any Android device or Apple product. Unlike the Bible’s “mark of the Beast” which damns a person’s soul to hell if they take it, the do-not-remarry saves a person from a lifetime of hell.

Not surprisingly, this life-saving measure was invented by a medical doctor. Dr. Les Thornhill grew tired of seeing his fellow doctors getting taken to the cleaners every time they remarried. Dr. T (no stranger to remarriage himself as he’s been married seven times) realized not everyone was wise enough like himself to get a pre-nuptial agreement to protect their financial assets in the (likely) event of a divorce. Instead, a sucker romantic can get the DNR and enjoy a healthy relationship without the pitfalls of an ill-fated marriage.

Naturally, divorce attorneys are furious with this arrangement and you can expect to see it challenged in court, but for now, Dr. Thornhill’s invention could be the best thing since artificial hearts and Viagra.

What do you think of the new DNR and would you be interested in one? Let me know in the comments below.

Note: This should not be construed as medical or legal advice as I am a former attorney (see my book Laughing All the Way to the Bank (Robber): How an Attorney Survived Prison) for all the details).

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.
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