Okay I get we are a sports blogging site, that dives a little into pop culture. We talk a little politics and latest trends. For the most part though we cover sports and the participants.
This quarantine had everyone binge watching shit they would never watch. I’ve watched The Office all the way through twice same with Patks and Rec and Entourage. I was getting tired of watching the same things. Even though those three shows are top 3 ever no discussion.
Flipping through Hulu, with a female rendezvous the one night she stopped at “Dance Moms”. I out kicked my coverage with this chick so I let her go with it. There was screaming and crying children which wasn’t cool and 40 something year old women fighting. Didn’t really do it for me but some of the mom’s were smoke shows. Obviously I have to do a top 5 most bangable. It’s quarantine, it’s misogynistic I get it but I’m bored and well, fuck it.
Honorable Mention Gianna- I guess she is a teacher on the show not a mom. If she ever wanted to be one though I would throw one in her. She’s the best looking on the show, but not a mom so she can’t get first place but has to be recognized.
5. Kelly Hyland- Apparently what I have gathered is she was a former friend of the infamous Abby Lee Miller when the two were growing up. This chick screams and is crazier then all the other moms. Now for a relationship that’s huge red flags. For a MILF that’s huge green arrows, and she just had the eyes of I won’t tell. Good for you Kelly being too 5!!
4. Christi Lukasiak- The blonde bombshell of the dance mom group. She just does being a hot, slightly ditzy, mom next door. I’m not a blonde guy but for her I could change my ways.
3. Kira Girard- “The Hot One” For most people I would imagine Kira being number 1 on their list. I believe she’s the youngest and has the look and appeal of an absolute sex pot. I would imagine her being the sexy head cheerleader no one could touch because she was with guys 5 years older then her. Can’t blame her, just look smoke show still and she’s gotta be 45 plus. Right? If not call me, or just call me anyways.
2. Melissa Gisoni- This lady has the package to die for. Whoever did the work on her came from a perverted 14 year old that grew up with a crush on his friends mom. She has the curves of the mom you had a crush on growing up. She’s the “Stacey’s Mom” of the group. Plus apparently she was a little frisky, leaving her marriage for another guy. That’s kinda hot, again it for saying but for a weekend fling when she’s mad at her spouse. MMMMM Sweet Melissa!
1. Jill Vertes- Some may call it a long shot here, but for me it was a hands down winner. Jill has the body, the sass, the “900 voice” she’s the total package. This chick just does it for me don’t judge. She also has the look of my buddy’s mom going for her. That’s some repressed child hood feelings for sure. Jill you’re my number 1, I’m sure you’re happily married but just know there are dudes out there who would take a huge stab at you. You’re the Smoke show of Dance Moms for me. Is it called a champion in dance? Whatever the greatest dancer award is, that’s what you are for me in MILF’s. Congratulations, I’m sure you won’t see this but hey a win is a win.
There’s your top 5 Dance Mom MILF’s. Agree or Disagree just share so I can make some side hustle during all this bullshit!! And if any of you Dance Moms see this shoot me a DM😜!!