Everyone on TikTok freaking out about the ocean is a complete moron

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I’ve been silent about this for too long, and it’s time to speak my truth. For the last few weeks, there’s been this abominable trend happening on TikTok where complete dummies pretend to be scared of the ocean because we’ve only explored 5 percent of the stupid thing. I’d be willing to bet that most of the people posting about this are just trying to seem weird and quirky and have an original opinion! And don’t get me wrong, those people are awful, but even more despicable are those marshmallows who are actually scared of the dumb sea. If you don’t like the waves, or you’re worried about the rip tides, ok, fair, but if you’re sitting there petrified of some superhuman monster hidden in the deepest depths of the ocean you might as well never leave your house. It’s the most improbable, irrational, and downright idiotic fear I’ve ever heard of.

Do you understand that the ocean formed 3.8 BILLION years ago? 3.8 BILLION!!! If there was something dangerous down there don’t you think they would’ve pulled some shit in the last 3 billion years? Literally an eternity of doing absolutely nothing, but be scared of the ocean because these mystery creatures are gonna start a nuclear war any day now.

Also, the reason we don’t know what’s down there is because the ocean is literally so deep that the entire human race can’t develop the technology to get down to the deepest depths of it. NASA and millitary technology couldn’t figure out a way to explore these unknown areas and creatures, but some asshole tiktoker might happen to bump into one sailing across the seven seas. Makes sense.

And EVEN IF, there’s some undiscovered sea beast society going on miles below the surface of the ocean, WHO CARES??? We figured out how to capture killer whales and put those dummies in tanks in Sea World, so it would take us all of 5 hours to completely conquer the entire deep-sea civilization. It’s not like we’ve never seen scary ocean animals before, right? It’s not like we already have Great White Sharks, and Giant Squid, and Anglerfish, right? Oh no, we do, and some hick from Arkansas could figure out how to get his fat ass in a boat and put a spear through a Great White’s head, so I’m pretty sure our species’ brightest minds could figure out whatever they’ve got going on down there. Stop being scared of the ocean.

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Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.

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