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DJ LeMahieu Is Returning to The Bronx! | Time To Breathe & Cum

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What a fucking sigh of relief on a Friday morning. Waking up to news that featured DJ’s name in it makes you hold your breath for a brief moment until you read the following:

In the worst tantric sex experience of my adult life, the Yankees all offseason continued to tickle the tip and take their hand away. Time after time you would read reports that the Bombers wanted DJ back, but they were far apart in terms of years and dollars. You would have to believe this deal got done in large part because DJ did his best Kim K impression, and told them that he no longer wanted to get fucked on camera

wanted to married to them (shout out Ye). Earlier this week we read reports that DJ was getting tired of this little game that Cashman was playing, and that he was opening up his free agency to teams like the Dodgers & Mets. Reading those words were akin to seeing a 50 Shades of Grey novel tucked away next to the Werther’s mints in your grandmother’s comically oversized purse. Disturbing and unsettling to say the least. Thankfully all of that is behind us! (shout out Kim K).

If I could go outside and sniff the crisp winter air without the threat of a life threatening virus, I certainly would. If you are not a Yankee fan, or tragically lost your eyes in some sort of accident, you might not know how good DJ is. DJ is the lifeblood of the entire Yankees offense, piecing together hit after hit in the most critical moments of the year. Every time he is getting a hit it feels like it is putting the Yankees ahead or getting them out of a hole that would make Saddam jealous. Another thing that he doesn’t get enough credit for, and what makes him the Swiss Army Knife of (potentially?) 100 million dollar men is that he can play multiple positions and is way above average defensively at each.

My goodness, what a way to wake up. (I will obviously side step how pathetic it was that the Yankees took this long to nickle and dime their most prized free agent, because there is no reason to do such a thing in a moment of bliss and glory).

Long live the Machine! (and besides Pujols, DJ LaMahieu)

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