It’s often been said the worst thing you can hear after you’ve just had sex is “Honey, I’m home.” As troublesome as that may be, there’s another post-coital communication that’s equally frightening, “I’m late.” In today’s worry-free day where people hook up on Tinder as easily as they use Instacart, unexpected pregnancies (and antibiotic-resistant STDs) may seem like a new problem, but as anyone who lived in the pre-digital era knows, it’s a problem as old as time itself. As such, the ancient wisdom of philosopher Pyrrho (not to be confused with Pyrrhus of Epirus whose disastrous victory over the Romans spawned the phrase Pyrrhic Victory). “be quick to question and slow to believe” is sage advice for anyone who questions whether there’s any fraud in the fatherhood claim.
As a former attorney (check out my memoir, Laughing All the Way to the Bank (Robbery): How an Attorney Survived Prison
Naturally, for many people the news of a pregnancy is joyful news but for some people, it’s the last thing they want to hear, especially when someone is trying to fool them into thinking they’re the baby’s daddy when that’s definitely not the case. That’s why Maury Povich made some serious bank with his episodes where he helped potential dads discover if they were ready for Pampers or a trip to the club:
Nothing epitomizes the anxiety of questionable claims of paternity however like Shawty Putt’s “Dat Baby Don’t Look Like Me,” a hilarious song (with appearances by Lil’ Jon and Too Short) and an even more hilarious video.
So whether you’re enjoying Father’s Day with your offspring or enjoying the fact you’re not a dad, remember this vintage advice “don’t be a fool, wrap that tool!”
Happy Father’s Day!