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Coronapolaypse Coitus Carousal: I Haven’t Had This Much Sex Since I Was a Scoutmaster:

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The coronapocalypse isn’t just good for comedy gold, it’s apparently also good for some carnal relations. A recent New York Post article documented how house-bound couples are getting their freak on while trying not to freak out about the ongoing coronavirus scare.

The New York Post article mentioned a number of couples enjoying each other’s company for the first time in a long time, often resulting in red-hot monkey sex. With domestic violence cases on the increase, it’s good to know some people are able to cope through some good old-fashioned love in the afternoon.

The most interesting story in the article though was that of Canadian couple Andrew Rodgers (54) and Ashley Thournout (35). According to the article, the couple are polyamorous and had another woman living with them until recently. Now that the coronapocalypse has just the two of them confined to their home, it’s fuckfest 2020 (by the way, major kudos to Rodgers for having a wife nearly 20 years younger!) According to the Mrs.:

“We went from having sex three or four times a week to two or three times a day.”

“Having the time to go about sex at your own pace as opposed to ‘OK, we have an hour here and an hour there,’ gives us the freedom to try all kinds of new things,” Rodgers’s child-bride explained.

The article went on to explain how the couple has turned their basement into a dungeon,.

“We have this big box of toys we’ve collected over the years, with things like floggers, paddles, wrist restraints, blindfolds that I got out and I added some common household items … like kitchen knives,” Mr. Studmuffin noted.

Note: After hearing about the kitchen knives, I couldn’t help but wonder if Mr. Studmuffin dons blackface ala Justin Trudeau so the couple can do some sort of OJ and Nicole Simpson fantasy.

Listening to the Mrs. it’s clear she’s loving every second of it:

“It’s been amazing … having the space to really focus on what we want has really ignited the spark. I get to wear whatever I want wandering around the house” — often a short kimono and cheeky underwear — “and he’s loving that.”

So fellows, if your lady grabs a kitchen knife after weeks alone with you, don’t call the police right away; she may just be looking to take your love life to the next level.

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.

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