BLOGCoronavirus

Coronapocalypse Comedy Gold: Couple Consumes Cleaner Cocktail for Corona Cure, Causing One to Croak

The coronapocalypse comedy tour continues with a news story showcasing Social Darwinism at its finest. proving that it’s not just young people risking life and limb during the COVID-19 crisis. A chemically-challenged couple paid a hefty price when they devised their own corona-cure. According to the news site, The Guardian:

A Phoenix-area man has died and his wife was in critical condition after the couple took chloroquine phosphate, an additive used to clean fish tanks that is also found in an anti-malaria medication touted by Donald Trump as a treatment for Covid-19.

Might this woman have been a Rock-n-Roll Grandma who remembered making acid blotters at Grateful Dead shows?

According to a report at The Press Democrat:

“I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, ‘Hey, isn’t that the stuff they’re talking about on TV?’ ” the wife, who was not named, told the network. “We were afraid of getting sick.”

The couple reportedly poured some of the fish tank cleaning chemical, chloroquine phosphate, into soda and drank it. They hoped it would stave off a coronavirus infection.

It’s been said that necessity is the mother of invention so perhaps that’s what led to this incredible turn of events.

The Washington Free Beacon is reporting:

They heard about the potential benefits of chloroquine, an antimalarial drug, in news reports. She decided at the “spur of the moment” to try taking it, but reached for a fish tank cleaner in her pantry that contains chloroquine phosphate, a different and deadly form of the chemical.

You’d have to go back to the days of Milli Vanilli to find such a seemingly good idea turn out so badly.

Was this couple the victim of the American education system or was it just a case of their last chemistry class having taken place during the Kennedy administration? Whatever the reason, this seemingly harmless (other than the warning label that was likely on it) fish tank cleaner was anything but:

In today’s postmodern world, there are so many meanings for toxic.

According to Dr. P. Brandon Bookstaver, infectious diseases pharmacist: “These medications, including chloroquine, are associated with significant side effects including serious cardiac events. They are not FDA approved and are intended for fish only, and should never be used in humans,”

Could this have been a case of Harry Potter cosplay gone wrong?

Not surprisingly, the media jumped on the story when the newly widowed woman said she was following President Trump’s advice:

In her first national news interview, Wanda told NBC News that she took the fish tank cleaner in a tragically botched attempt to follow medical advice that Trump had relayed in a press conference earlier that week.

As several news sites have pointed out, however, the couple’s coronavirus cure proved anything but. The widow (identified only as Wanda) admitted:

“We weren’t big supporters of [Trump], but we did see that they were using it in China and stuff,” Wanda told the Free Beacon. “And we just made a horrible, tragic mistake,” she said. “It was stupid, and it was horrible, and we should have never done it. But it’s done and now I’ve lost my husband. And my whole life was my husband.”

“We didn’t think it would kill us,” she added. “We thought if anything it would help us ‘cus that’s what we’ve been hearing on the news.”

The National Review put things into perspective:

There is a problem with the story, however: It’s nonsense. Sad as their predicament is, the only “advice” to be gleaned from the couple’s behavior is “don’t be a unimaginable moron.” The headline of NBC’s story is “Arizona man dies after ingesting chloroquine in an attempt to prevent coronavirus.” But this is not correct. He did not “ingest chloroquine,” and neither did his wife. Rather, he ingested chloroquine phosphate, which his wife found in her back pantry the form of fish tank cleaner.

Not since Eve offered Adam an apple has a man made such a poor culinary choice.

Ultimately, there are lessons to be learned here: 1) chemistry isn’t as easy as it looks on Breaking Bad and 2) be careful when your wife offers you a curative cocktail.

Ironically, the women’s fish croaked because she used the fish tank cleaner trying to save her and her husband’s life. No, I can’t back that up with facts, but it would have been the perfect end for the story.

As I’ve noted in previous stories, expect the coronapocalypse to provide comedy gold once things calm down. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to update Pro Sports Extra’s valued readers on the latest coronavirus craziness.

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Photo of Mike Rickard II

Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.

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