Coronavirus

Chinese Claim Americans Dining on Dead: Coronapocalypse Comedy Gold Continues

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Just because people are partying like things are back to normal (whatever that means), the coronapocalypse comedy gold stories continue to provide amusement for those quarantined and those indulging in bacchanals. The latest happens to be a Chinese claim that Americans are eating their dead, with the dead being the victims of the coronavirus. According to a story at The South China Morning Post:

“The US has been processing dead bodies from Covid-19 diseases into hamburgers,” was one of the last postings on Zhidao Xuegong – literally the Scholar Forum for Ultimate Truth – which had millions of followers on China’s Facebook-like social media platform WeChat before it was shut down on Sunday.

You’ve probably heard how China keeps a strict leash on the Internet (“The Great Firewall of China” comes to mind) but there is social media over there, and judging from some of the stories, the Chinese have their own bat-shit crazy conspiracy theories concerning the coronavirus and insane news stories:

Those crazy Americans are eating WHAT?

In an article published earlier this month entitled “Nearly Dead: the Sinking of the US”, the author Mr. Cloud claimed that Covid-19 may have already killed one million people in the US and the dead bodies “were very likely of being processed into frozen meat, fake beef or pork, or processed into cooked meat as hamburgers and hot dogs”.

“Cannibalism has existed in the US before … and only a few dozen years ago, Americans ate blacks, Indians and Chinese,” the author continued.

Beef is one of the best food sources out there for complete nutrition.

Like most Americans, my history knowledge consists of snippets picked up from Drunk History and Pawn Stars, but I don’t recall cannibalism happening anytime in the past few years. However, could these Chinese social media masterminds have broken the code and discovered something being kept from Americans’ eyes during the coronapocalypse

?

Tragically, Charlton Heston died in 2008 so we don’t have him to warn us that our hamburgers are made from people. Could a brave Chinese man or woman have taken up Chuck Heston’s Soylent Green crusade?

It bears mentioning that the Beef Cattle Research Council notes that beef is a valuable part of any balanced diet:

Beef is a nutrient rich food that can help people meet their nutrient needs within their calorie goals, as part of an overall healthy pattern of eating.  This report summarizes beef’s role in health from the perspective of its nutrient content, Canadian consumption levels, an examination between red meat and chronic disease.

No word on how human beings square up when it comes to nutritional value, but I’m sure if we give things time, our crazy colleagues in China will provide some statistics.

For now, expect to hear more bat-shit crazy conspiracy theories from China (and the U.S.). According to Breitbart.com:

There is little evidence that China is interested in shutting down anti-American conspiracy theories, especially given that the Chinese Foreign Ministry has peddled them officially. The most regularly touted conspiracy theory about the Chinese coronavirus pandemic is the claim that the virus did not originate in Wuhan, China.

Personally, I want in on the conspiracy cash as the South China Morning Post revealed “the article had at least 100,000 readers, with 753 giving money to support the account.”

For those looking to donate money, please email me and I will gladly provide my PayPal information.

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.

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