I’m not gonna lie, typing out that headline really made me consider running into oncoming traffic and take a nap, but this is the blogging game. So yeah, Rapper JT posted a video on her Instagram story of Charli twerking at a nightclub on the Fourth of July, and the internet is a-buzzing. First off, I don’t even know who JT is, and second, there are far greater things to focus on in this video than Charli’s dancing. She’s a 17-year-old girl, if twerking is the craziest thing she’s doing we should consider her an angel. One time when I was 17 I witnessed a girl fillate 5 gentelemen in the same night, so until Charli does that let’s stop giving her a hard time.
The real focus here should be on how Charli got into this club in the first place. She’s 17! I’m 19, and every time I try to get into some New Brunswick shithole bar a bouncer spits on my nose and yells anti-semitisms at me, but all Charli does is become one of the biggest superstars on the planet, and she just prances in wherever she wants. So unfair!
Also, Charli’s sister (she goes by the name Dixie for those who are not insiders such as myself), is in the background of this video and appears to be wearing crocs. Crocs in a nightclub! What a move! The girl testicles you need to pull this one off are insane! I mean, you’ve got chicks in this club wearing $10,000 dollar shoes, and this D’amelio gal just says “F-you, I’m famous” and pulls up in crocs! As someone who gets their entire wardrobe (as well as personality, sense of humor, and political views) from TikTok, I think it’s time to invest in a pair. If the D’amelios are wearing them then, damnit, so is Noah.
But, readers, do NOT let this D’amelio scandal distract you from the fact that we’re 6 days away from the biggest fight of the year. If you actually care about Charli twerking, do yourself a favor and watch the UFC 264 countdown special and try to keep your heart from exploding. There are more important things going on right now than twerking. It’s Conor McGregor fight week.