Calling 911 for Toilet Paper: Why the Coronapocalypse is Pure Comedy Gold

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Mel Brooks famously said “tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” Well folks, the coronapocalypse is going to be pure comedy gold.

When I saw that 911 operators had to deal with people calling to complain that they didn’t have any toilet paper, it dispelled all doubts as to whether a significant portion of the population was living on borrowed time. Daily jaunts on social media and the comments section of online news outlets always made me suspect, but this article drove the point home- this is going to be one of the greatest shitshows in human history. Whether it’s the fall of Rome, the Black Death, or the Viking invasions into Europe (yes, I’m being Eurocentric, so GFY) people have always come back stronger than ever and while there will be stupidity like this, there will be people rising to the occasion. As long as the Internet holds, I for one will enjoy the daily contestants for the Darwin Awards thinning out the proverbial herd.

The media’s current take on the coronavirus

Give things a year or so and there will be books, TV shows, and films about the coronapocalypse and how people lost their minds buying toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and respirators. The funniest will be people laughing about how much the media and politicians overreacted to the situation.

The current portrayal of the workplace

In the meantime, grab a six-pack, sit back and laugh your ass off as the media hypes things up as the next best thing to a zombie apocalypse and the usual gang of idiots show up (albeit posthumously) on America’s Funniest: Coronapocalypse Edition.

Make babies like there’s no tomorrow

In the meantime, do what people do best when they’re alone with their significant other, increase the population to make up for the herd-thinning by the big dummies out there.

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Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.
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