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BREAKING: Bill Belichick Is Getting The Presidential Medal of Freedom From Donald Trump This Week

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Unbelievable, as if we didn’t have enough to worry about, another fucking hood wearing “Patriot” is storming the capitol. Unreal. Uhmm but seriously, these are the headlines in 2021 that are completely real that always seem to elude us all. Imagine reading that headline years ago on anywhere else besides “The Onion”. Maybe more bizarre than having to see Belichick in a suit this week up in a White House conference room that at this point probably looks like a college frat boy who is about to lose his security deposit.

I kind of respect this move from the President. The entire world is fucking dissolving into anarchy and ch aos, and everyone around you is trying to find a legal way to fire you, and you are like “you know what I need to do right now? Give a medal to a football coach.” Never in the world of fucks given, like countless stimulus checks that died on the Senate floor like a 36 year old conspiracy theorist Air Force veteran, has a person given less. Oh boy, this has to put you in a pickle if you are ole’ sleeve hating Billy boy, right? On one hand it is an absolute honor to receive such an award, which is literally billed as the “highest civilian honor”, but on the other it is probably not a great look in free agency to go to the White House right now.

I would imagine Bill with more Lombardi trophies than positive STD tests of a Rutgers freshman Co-ed, probably doesn’t much care about adding another piece of hardware to his trophy case. The world’s biggest public curmudgeon with a one track mind probably won’t even pick up the phone unless it helps him in the draft.

What a story, what a year, what a decade. God Bless America.

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