Update: Brad has been fired.
Back by popular demand, it’s Brad’s Butt Beauties – the AEW men’s edition. When I first created my list for WWE’s women, it was arguably the hottest topic online within the wrestling community for days.
Let’s be honest here, the wrestlers on my lists work hard on their physiques and put them on display in HD every week on network TV. If anything, a list like this is a compliment to their hard work and dedication.
Truthfully, I had zero intent to do a list for men. It’s a little out of my comfort zone, but I received a lot of feedback that if I’m going to do a list for women I should do one for men or I’m a big, sexist meanie pants – which is complete bullshit, but some friends began suggesting over and over and over that I should actually do it – I think they just wanted a good laugh. Considering I have no shame, and I was tired of them suggesting it, I decided to do it. There’s an audience for this, and plus, a good butt is a good butt, right? Right?
So, I began talking with my wife, other women, and men in the LGBTQ+ community. If I were going to do this, I decided that I wanted to do it right.
The research was intense, and time involved. It had to be accurate, much like my wrestling news reports.
Looking at the criteria, much of the same that applied to my women’s list, still applies to the men. There are five basic booty shapes; the square butt, the round butt, the pear butt, the inverted butt and the ‘baby got back’ butt. If you’ve got an inverted (aka pancake) ass, or a hairy ass, you’re automatically out!
With that said, it’s time for my list, so batten down the hatches.
5) Kip Sabian
The fifth spot was a tough choice, but ultimately any guy who got one over on Joey Janela (in this case by dating Penelope Ford) gets bonus points with me. Also, it’s a decent butt.
AEW’s Vice President comes in at number four, with just enough size and tone to make the list, even after leaning down significantly.
3) Sonny Kiss
Representing the LGBTQ+ community, Sonny comes in at number three. Sonny is a true ‘Baby got back’ butt and isn’t afraid to show it off in the ring.
The fact that he’s one of the most hated wrestlers in the industry isn’t the only reason you hate to watch him come and love to watch him leave. MJF has a true round butt, one that you could probably play the hand drums on (if that’s a thing).
1) Sammy Guevara
Coming in at number one, it’s Sammy G-String. He’s basically the holy grail of men’s butts. He’s known for being one of the most hated bad guys on the roster, and for wearing tights that are at least one size too small. Sammy’s been a stand-out on AEW Dynamite, and he hasn’t been afraid to show off his godly glutes.
Congratulations Sammy! You may not win anything, but you’ve joined Mandy Rose from WWE in a very special class of ass.