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A Dick Dilemma – Tom Brady Questions Having Open Showers in Locker Rooms on The Howard Stern Show

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By now, you’re probably already aware that Tom Brady appeared on The Howard Stern Show on April 8th, for a rare GOAT to GOAT chat. While the announcement of his appearance surprised many of his supporters, it was one of the statements he made in the interview which was even more surprising.

Tom Brady doesn’t like open showers in locker rooms, and he wants answers on why this is still a thing in 2020.

After hearing about this, I decided to pose the question to our PSE team. Here’s the answers of a few brave souls that didn’t object to me sharing.

In all this silliness, it did bring up a larger question about open showers in locker rooms, which sent me down a rabbit hole.

Over about the past 20 years, I’ve noticed a cultural shift which includes replacing the traditional open showers with private showers in locker rooms. For me, this is a foreign concept.

For whatever reason, the younger generation typically does seem to be more modest when it comes to their bodies. It’s always the much older dudes in locker rooms who have no problem walking around naked for excessively long periods of time, chatting everyone up about the weather and blow drying their balls. The younger crowd seems more modest, doing the “towel dance” while desperately hoping a non-existent person can’t possibly see the slightest bit of their dong.

Unlike most guys my age at the time, I spent the summer after my junior year of high school at Fort Jackson, attending Basic Combat Training for nine weeks. It was my first real experience of consistent open showers – a single steel pole in the middle of a small shower area with 5 shower heads next to each other on top. You had to shower, and you had to shower with a bunch of naked dudes in extreme proximity. It was the end of my modesty forever. In the context of the military though – a group of disciplined people who trained together and relied on each other – it did help foster a bond with my platoon. You can see how that would crossover into professional sports.

West Hollywood psychotherapist Dr. Barry Miller believes the issue is a cultural divide with a younger generation more focused on themselves due to technology – people glued to their cell phones, trapped in their own private world with less human interaction. 

In a study in the Journal of Analytical Psychology, Dr. Miller looks at the evolving masculine psyche, including feminism and gay liberation as possible influences on this culture change. I think it’s fair to say private showers may be a more reasonable solution for people in the transgender community.

Regardless of the reason, the younger generation of Americans do seem to be more uptight with nudity than other modern countries. Men should feel comfortable in their own bodies. We all put our pants on one leg at a time, and we all have dicks that at their very foundation look the same. Don’t be so shy – not every gay or bisexual guy who sees you naked in the locker room is interested in you. Not every dick Tom, Dick and Harry in the locker room cares that you have a tiny penis, (*insert insecurity*) …etc. It’s JUST a dick.

Nudity isn’t inherently sexual, and of course that still doesn’t mean you should show the world what you’ve got either. So, what’s the locker room solution?

For me, the solution is simple. I’m an open showers guy all the way, but I understand the value in both for everyone else. Not every locker room has the space to build a gazillion private showers, especially if a lot of people would be using them. If a lot of people are using them, you’re basically herding cattle – you need the large open shower areas. I propose a balance of both, some private showers and an open shower area.

And just like that, I’ve managed to solve one of the world’s least important issues. You’re welcome, Tom Brady.

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Brad Shepard

Brad's journalism work has been credited in Fox Business, Washington Post, New York Daily News, New York Post, CBS Sports, NBC Sports, Chicago Tribune, Deadspin, Yahoo Sports, Forbes, Golf Digest, Bleacher Report, Sporting News, The Sun, NESN, Breitbart, Zero Hedge, and ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption, among others. He has appeared on Fox Sports Radio, ESPN Radio, Sky Sports Radio in the UK and Vibe 105 FM in Toronto. He currently co-hosts the “Oh, You Didn’t Know” Wrestling Show, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Brad was internationally credited for breaking the story of the XFL return. He was voted one of the top 50 best Twitter accounts to follow by The Wrestling Estate. You can follow Brad on Twitter at @TheBradShepard.
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