MMA

139 Pound Woman Fights 529 Pound Man in MMA fight … and Whoops His Ass.

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Ok so you’re probably here after reading that insane headline, so let me provide a quick disclaimer before we get into it — this happened in Russia. And when it comes to fighting and athletic commissions, the Russians really don’t give a shit about anything. They’d literally sanction a bout between a toddler and two cheetahs and not think twice about it, so don’t be shocked that they let this fight go down.

This weekend Darina Madzyuk, a 139 pound MMA fighter, got into the cage with Grigory Chistyakov, a 529 pound blogger. And believe it or not, the woman, who was undersized by about a half a Lizzo, actually made the man tap from punches in under one round.

Now, early in the fight the porker actually managed to get a hold of this young lady, putting her in a pretty deep headlock, and stuffing her face into his voluptuous bitch titties. Unfortunately, his lack of experience prevailed, as he did nothing with the position, and the official rightfully separated the two. Then, Darina (who I’d totally bang btw) landed a nice right, causing fatty to drop, then immediately put him away with some ground and pound.

Not to be a hater here buuuuutttttt, that right hand that dropped the elephant really didn’t land that clean. It had good timing, but nowhere near the strength required to drop a half-ton man, so I think there was something else afoot here. Russian mafia influence is always on the table, but I think its more likely then not that a lifetime of greasy food, desserts, and vodka finally caught up to this slob, and his clogged arteries and inexperienced lungs just gave out on him.

To me though, the most disappointing part of this fight was the lack of celebration at the immediate conclusion of the fight. Yeah the photo of her stepping on him was pretty sick, but I would have liked to see a little more from Darina right when the ref stopped the fight. Lets get filthy, you know? Hit him with a titty twister, t-bag his mouth, maybe even drag your clit across his forehead, I don’t know. It’s Russia really anything goes.

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Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.

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