This is Jacob, I’m currently hiding in my closet as I type this from my phone, praying I’ll be able to access a computer so I could post this blog. The people of PSE need to know what horrors lie in our near, very near future. I tried contacting El Capitan but all I’ve heard was radio silence. I just have to assume he’s been taken hostage, maybe worse. Here’s the run-down of what’s gone down:

Confidential Deadspin Company Memo:

Drew Magary

Deadspin HQ

3/30/2019

Sitting On The Stool

Employees of Deadspin,

It has come to my attention recently that a site called Pro Sports Extra, known as PSE to it’s lackies has been gaining traction. While at first this doesn’t sound alarming, what is alarming is the fact they’re Barstool Sports sympathizers and fans. This is something we cannot allow. Our entire company mission is to troll Barstool and gain all of our clicks from that, but I will not allow Trevor Uren to write a blog about me saying I suck!

That is why we have decided to commit a hostile takeover of PSE now before they grow too big! Once we consume their company, we’ll get rid of their witty blogs, hard-hitting news, writers who have actual personalities, and THEIR BOMBSHELLS. Stay tuned for updates

Your Supreme Overlord,

Drew Magary

That was the beginning of the end. Soon after Deadspin sent their Suck Squad to go after the other bloggers. Jameus, Brad, Connor, all them were taken to my knowledge. I hope they’re hanging in there and haven’t been reduced by Deadspin. As I mentioned earlier, El Capitan is MIA. I hope he and Magary are fighting 1v1 right now at HQ, fighting for the lives of PSE. I managed to evade the Suck Squad successfully, thought I don’t know for how much longer. Uh-oh, I heard the door bust down and footsteps shuffling. They’re in the room, coming closer to the closet. Oh no The-

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